Better late than never

I’m (obviously) sending this out a day later than usual. And at night. Woah. Time is a construct, or whatever. I hope your weekend was fabulous and that your week is off to a good start.

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Brain collage

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The reader

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A desk of one’s own

I recently expressed to Jack how much I wanted—nay, needed—a desk. We “share” one, but that concept—however nice—is unrealistic. If we’re both working from home or he’s working late and I have class, one of us ends up breaking our back leaning over the coffee table from the couch.

A mere few days later, I came home from a run to a huge box outside my apartment door. This meant that Jack bought me a desk and one of my neighbors kindly brought it in from the front porch and up the stairs. My love of the human race inching back with these two acts of kindness.

Before I even thought about taking a shower, I carried the box inside and began assembling it. A few minutes later, I’d accomplished two things: actually read the directions for the first time in the 28 years I have circled our shared sun and set up my desk in its new home in the living room, tucked next to the books and records.

I’ve sat here every day since—working on homework and a few new pieces of art. It’s funny how something as simple as my own desk has made me feel inspired to create. I now have a dedicated space where I can channel creativity and foster a focused environment. It makes me proud of myself for for having worked and studied from home for nearly two years without one. We are resilient creatures, but I’ve been using the wrong-sized bandaid for the large wound known as turning my home into an office and library (and gym, yoga studio, movie theatre, and restaurant). Some of the reasons for this sustained discomfort were our of my control, but it has me thinking of what other areas of my life have I’ll-fitting bandaids on them.

Maybe it’s time for me to sit at my new desk and think deeply about that. In what ways could I show up for myself more? In what ways, as was the case here, could I state my needs and be heard? When could I ask for help?

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“How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives.”

— Annie Dillard

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Crooked to take a place in the light

I’ve decided that this line is my next tattoo. It’s funny how some things just jump off the page for you. I could see that flower so clearly, bending itself towards a sliver of sun. Crooked just to stay in the light. I love that. I’ve noticed a newfound optimism in myself that sometimes gets buried by anxiety, but it’s there, trying to stay out of the dark. (That’s a meta metaphor if I’ve ever seen one.) This optimism has me chasing the good stuff, trying to run alongside it for as long as I can. This is something I’m enjoying. It’s making me like myself more. I want to remind myself to be like the flower and bend towards the sun. Sometimes there will be no sun, but that’s not the fault of the flower, that’s just how weather, like life, goes sometimes.

Poem by Allen Ginsberg

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The Birth of Venus at Night

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Recommended reading

• For those of us who could stand to simplify, check out Need Less, Desire Less

• For those who believe in both science and miracles, read the latest updates on the James Webb Space Telescope

• For my writers, here’s a long read (4,430 words!) for you: On Writing: An Abecedarian