chill.
Hello! I’m back and I’m happy to be back! How are you? Have you been successful at staying in your peace despite the utter urgency with which seemingly the whole world is telling you to MOVE DO GO BUY CONSUME SELL PREPARE TALK FINISH? Why not just be?
There’s lots of pressure—internally and externally—to feel like you’re making the most of the holidays. Am I celebrating enough? Am I relaxing enough? It’s all so extreme, and it’s so easy to get pulled in too many directions at once. It’s also easy to get caught up in worrying about having the perfect responses to “what are you doing/did you do for [fill in the holiday]?” This year, I’m planning on doing whatever I want to do, moment to moment (aside from the fun things I already have planned, of course). I want to wake up each day and go with the flow. I want to do what I want to do in a world that’s consistently telling me what I “should” do or “need” to do. Ignoring all that, I’ll be checking in with myself often.
I encourage you to join me in this small rebellion this holiday season, the one where you forget about restraints and expectations, and instead abide by your own rules. I think that’s the best gift you can give yourself. Ask yourself what you feel like doing with your time and just…
Brain collage
Artwork within collage: @juliaspowellart, @sezane, and @lllllllllsa
Adjective: not false or copied; genuine; real
For the last few years, I’ve picked a Word of the Year for the upcoming 365 days. I attribute this practice to Colleen Attara, the brilliant artist who introduced me to it. According to a post on her Instagram, Colleen created this concept 8 years ago in place of resolutions. In her own beautiful words, Colleen shares that she “[walks] beside a word yearly…and some days [she] just [walks] ‘towards’ it.” How lovely is that?
I first implemented this practice after meeting her about three years ago. The first year I chose a word, it was ‘up.’ I’d been ‘down’ for months and needed to commit to moving myself out of that space. The beauty of ‘up’ was that it wasn’t a certain measurement of how high to go, but rather just to go in that direction as often as I could. I found this much easier to accomplish than saying: “by [arbitrary date] I will accomplish [unachievable task].” Every day that I did something to make my life a little better was a win.
The next year, 2020, I chose the word ‘peace.’ I spent the next 365 days in search of peace. I seldom found it, but I tried. In the midst of an unexpected pandemic and a slew of other stupendously challenging circumstances, I felt it was still an apt word.
I spent 2021 walking with (as Colleen would say) the word ‘positive.’ Choosing this word ended up being life-changing. I truly spent the better part of the year practicing positivity and I can honestly say it changed my brain. I may still have an inclination for a negative spiral, but being generally more positive has helped me avoid falling down that hole on many occasions.
For next year, I’ve chosen the word ‘authentic.’ I realized that I often feel like a chameleon—and not in a good way. I’ve found that, in some social situations, I expend lots of energy getting the temperature of the person or people I’m talking to, and then trying to shape shift into what I think they want me to be. Even if my magic trick of becoming a mirror works, I end up feeling like a wonky funhouse version in my efforts to return to my true form. Being multiple people at once is exhausting. And, interestingly, when looking into the true definition of the word, ‘not copied’ stood out to me as very applicable to this behavior I’d like to get away from. I don’t need to constantly match, or copy, others’ personalities and moods in order to get through the day without disrupting anyone. I can ask people to meet me where I’m at. If I’m feeling particularly quiet one day, I’d like to honor that rather than worry that people might think I’m in a mood, etc., etc., etc.
So, all this to say, I’m going to attempt to be my real self more often. I’m sure there will be times when I can sense my scales changing color to suit a new environment, but I want to minimize that behavior. This conscious authenticity will hopefully be more of a dance than a shove, acknowledging that I’ll need to be willing to move at whatever pace feels, well… authentic.
Artwork by @peopleiveloved
The first time someone said this to me, I was flabbergasted. They were offering it as a token of comfort for a tough situation that was out of my control. It was one of those gifts of language that I have carried with me ever sense. I now offer it to others who need the same comforting and eye-opening sentiment. There are some things that are just not ours to worry about. It’s helped me see that there’s freedom in detaching yourself from what overwhelms you. We can observe without judgement or a need to fix. It’s a lesson I’m continually learning, and I find myself returning to this phrase often. There’s something lighthearted yet decidedly stoic about it; you get a little laugh at the comparison while emphatically unburdening yourself from the high-wire act.
Creative’s Corner
I’m looking for artists who’d like to be featured in future editions of Creative’s Corner. If this is you or someone you know, send me a message at @brainmassagenewsletter to get the conversation started!