Once more, with feeling!
Hi! My staccato return to writing this newsletter continues, but I’m happy to be here again this week. I’ve been thinking a lot about being online and what that’s doing to my mind. Lately, I feel a real vulnerability when posting on my personal social media accounts. It’s not necessarily the being perceived that’s worrisome, but rather the fact that sharing sometimes feels overwhelmingly unnecessary. Is there a reason to provide this keyhole into my life? Sometimes it feels authentic (there’s that word of the year again), but more often than not, it feels forced.
On a similar note, I’ve been more cognizant about what I consume (in addition to what parts of me I’m allowing others to consume), and it’s been eye-opening. I remember on January 1st of 2020, for some reason I was compelled to go through the list of people I follow on Instagram and I ended up unfollowing about 200 people. I just did that again this week and I unfollowed about 200 more. There are some people you follow out of a sense of obligation—people you knew in an earlier chapter of your life but no longer jive with, or people someone recommended you follow—and others who were fully your choice but maybe you’ve changed and they no longer bring you joy. There’s nothing malicious about unfollowing; it’s a quiet rebellion that makes your entirely voluntary scrolling habit more pleasant. I highly recommend it.
But, back to the part about my online presence: I feel resistant to participating in the mass migration to mostly operating online. Sure, we’ve been somewhat forced to in the pandemic, but outside of what’s necessary, I’d like to pull away. When going through the list of people I follow, I came upon a runner whom I admire for her athletic ability and environmental activism. I realized I hadn’t seen her posts in a while, and when I went to her page to inquire, all of her posts were gone. All that’s left is a link to her blog in her bio. Curious, I followed the link and saw a blog post titled “Social” Media that ultimately verified everything I was feeling. Then, in this week’s Maybe Baby newsletter, by one of my favorite writers Haley Nahman, the public vs. private and ideal vs. real selves were discussed. Floored by its topicality, I feel the call to exist in the tangible world is growing louder for me.
It’s not that the entire internet is inherently flawed, but, as Haley says “Twitter and Instagram […] have a way of feeling like the entire internet.” I love that I can access information, appreciate art, and connect with the people I love. But, those people I love are a phone call away and don’t need to get my life updates from an app. I’m sure this will be an imperfect departure since I am admittedly addicted to social media, but the awareness that this is more bad for me than it is good is a revelation I don’t want to ignore.
If you’re feeling similarly, those two pieces linked above are deeply helpful in grounding yourself in why social media feels uncomfortable and how to go about using it less in a way that feels right for you.
Brain collage
The softness I seek and keep close to me…
This quote by Mary Oliver always feels applicable to the start of a new year. Where I am, these first few days of 2022 are rather gray, but there is still a sense of a shiny, clean slate for which I can march forth into the person I want to be and the life I want to lead.